The French psychologist Jacques Salome talks about 7 essential wounds, which we carry with us from the first years of life to the years of maturity. Each of us carries one or more wounds that affect our daily lives, our relationships, our self-esteem, the way we perceive ourselves and those around us. Some wounds can be impregnated even from the fetal stage – for example rejection – if the mother does not want her child or if she finds out that the fetus does not have the sex she wants. They are the most difficult to manage and may require other types of therapeutic intervention (hypnosis, body techniques, etc.).
Injustice (the rigid, the just) The one who suffers from injustice favors his wound by being too demanding of himself. He does not respect his limits and is very stressed because of this. He is unfair to himself, because he criticizes himself a lot and has difficulty seeing his qualities and what he knows how to do well. He suffers when he sees only what has not been done or the mistakes that have been made. He is also made to suffer by the fact that he does not know how to please himself. The way people compensate for this wound is by creating a rigid and perfectionist attitude, with a tendency to become intolerant, non-negotiable and maybe even abusive. He will feel a strong desire to repair things in the world, to establish order, to protect the powerless, and to punish the wicked. Superheroes hide a wound of injustice!
The wound of INJUSTICE is about to heal, when you allow yourself to be less perfectionist, to make mistakes without being angry or critical. When you can show your vulnerability, sensitivity, limits without fear of being judged by others.
Rejection (avoidance) The one who suffers from rejection feeds his wound every time he devalues himself, when he says that he is not good at anything, that he does not matter at all in the eyes of others and every time he runs away from a situation. The compensatory attitude in case of rejection is that of avoidance – I avoid getting involved in order to never be rejected again, therefore I justify this apparent “detachment” by the fact that either I am not good at anything or the situation does not interest me enough Equally, the person with a rejection wound may even accept toxic messages, having difficulty refusing.
The REJECTION wound is on the way to healing when you assert yourself more and more and dare to position yourself, when you dare to refuse and receive rejection not as something personal, but as a choice of the other, which does not necessarily say something about you .
Abandonment (addict) The one who suffers from abandonment feeds his wound every time he abandons a project he cared about a lot, when he gives up, when he does not take care of himself enough and when he does not pay the attention he needs. he scares the others when he clings too much to them and does so in such a way that he loses them and is left alone again. he makes his body suffer a lot, getting sick to attract the attention of others. He is easily victimized and is very demanding in the idea of making sure that the other does not leave, becoming a controller and blaming the other for what he feels. All these behaviours will drive the other away, which will strengthen his suffering and beliefs (“women are bastards”, “men are pigs”, etc.).
The ABANDONMENT wound is about to close when loneliness no longer scares you and when you start investing in your relationship. When you complete things with or without the support of others.
Helplessness (involved) The one who lives the wound of impotence maintains his wound by putting himself in all sorts of extreme situations, challenges that are obviously above his level of possibilities, in a demonstrative form. He makes an intense effort to do what others would refuse, considering himself superior by the fact that he “can.” The cost of this possibility is often an enormous consumption of energy, which will somatize over time. therefore he will make an intense effort to solve everything, with the risk of exhaustion!
The wound of HELPLESSNESS is about to heal when the desire to prove that you can cope with extreme situations diminishes, when you are satisfied with what you live normally, without this normality seeming small, little, trivial.
Betrayal (dominator) The person who experiences a wound of betrayal maintains his wound by lying, making himself believe false things and disobeying his commitments to himself. He punishes himself by doing everything himself because he does not trust others to whom he does not attribute tasks. When he does this he is so busy checking the work of others that he loses his free time.
The BETRAYAL wound is about to heal when you are able to delegate tasks and accept the result of others as worthwhile. When you will no longer experience so many emotions when someone or something changes plans. When you are no longer looking to be the center of attention. When you are satisfied with your own successes and you also accept the results of others as good.
Shame (perfectionist) The one who suffers from the wound of shame will try to do everything as well as possible, as fast as possible, as efficiently as possible in order to be proud of himself. It requires constant validation and constant confirmations, never being sure of what it does. I think each of us has heard the phrase, “You should be ashamed!” The wound is impregnated especially in moments of intimacy, except for a third. Another way to compensate may be to avoid, so that there are no more possible moments of shame.
The wound of SHAME is about to heal when you start taking initiatives, taking the risk that others will not hug you, when you carry the Incurs to the end without the need for someone’s encouragement or support, when you no longer check obsessively whether or not you did well what you did.
Humiliation (the masochist) The one who suffers from humiliation feeds his wound every time he humiliates himself, when he compares himself to others, being inferior, when he is accused of being fat, of not being good, of not having the will, of being profitor etc. He humiliates himself by wearing clothes that disadvantage him and soiling his clothes. He makes himself suffer by taking over the responsibilities of others, which deprives him of freedom and time for himself. Humiliation is permeated in the presence of an audience. It’s basically a wound of shame that you witness. He will put himself in extreme situations, sometimes risking even with his own health or life, having the temptation to wait for recognition and appreciation for risky behavior. There is a risk to compensate through the buffoons, hiding under the smile, the fear of being ridiculous again.
The wound of HUMILIATION will be about to heal when you get rid of the fear of ridicule, when you take the courage to ask clearly and explicitly what you want and need, taking the risk of being refused. When you reposition yourself above failure, not as a measure of personal worth, but as a situation that exists today. When you give up putting yourself in extreme, risky situations.
Asking for help actually takes a lot of power. Because it means you have to be vulnerable in front of another person.